Ocarina of Time Parody!
by DookieMan
Summary: This is basically the story of the game, except with added humor. Ocarina of Time is my favorite game, so I'm not bashing Zelda. This is my first fanfic, so please read and review.


"Navi…" said the Deku Tree in a usual serene whisper. "Navi, where art though?"

"Geez, I'm right here! What do you want now, you old fart?" whined an annoyed Navi.

"Oh, Navi the fairy… Listen to my words, the words of the Deku Tree… Does though sense it?"

"Yes, yes! Just get on with it! What do I need to do?"

"Malevolent forces even now are mustering to attack the land of Hyrule…"

"English, please!"

"It seems that the time has come for the boy without a faiy to begin his journey… I do not have much time left! Go now!"

"I sure can't wait for that moment to come…"

The Deku Tree gave Navi a dirty look from her cruel joke.

"What are thou waiting for, Navi? GO NOW!"

The almighty yell of the Deku Tree caused Navi to go flying into a tree. She swore under her breath.

Navi ascended in the air looking for the boy without a fairy. It was already 4:00 PM but Link was still asleep. "Hey crapface! Wake up!" yelled the fairy to wake the young boy up. Link slowly opened his eyes. His clothes were ripped. There were tons of empty beer bottles and vomit surrounding the entire room.

"Ugh… Who the hell are you?" said the boy in his drunken voice.

"I'm Navi. I have to be your fairy."

"I'm…" The boy went right back to sleep. Navi slapped his cheek. "Woah! Ugh… Who the hell are you?"

"Oh god… Just tell me your name and what this mess is all about."

"Ugh… fine" The boy seemed extremely bothered. "Uh… I'm Link, I think. Well, uh… Mido hates me. He always is trying to kill me. He said uh… if I invite him to my house, he'll stop hurting me. He brought beer, and I uh… drank… a lot…"

"Oh geez. Well the Deku Tree needs to see you. Let's go."

"I will in a week."

"No! Now!" Navi continually slapped Link until he rose from his hibernation. When Link finally got out of his house he saw Saria, standing right in front of him.

"Hi, Link!" exclaimed Saria in her cheerful voice. Link hastily stood up tall and his eyes were wide open. He seemed embarrassed.

"Oh! Hey, Saria!"

"Finally, a fairy came to you! That's great news!"

"Oh yeah… sure."

"Now you're a true Kokiri, Link!"

"Yeah, but am I sexy Kokiri?" As Link said this, he stuck out his chest and flexed his arm. Saria's face turned red and she slapped Link.

"That's it! I'm going out with Mido!" Saria said this solemnly.

"Noooo!" cried Link as if he was in pain.

Navi laughed so hard that she started to cry. "Oh man! You got burned!"

"Shut up, Navi…" The minute fairy continued to laugh. Link's face turned beet-red, he faced Navi, and at the top of his lungs, he screamed, "SHUT THE HELL UP!"

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed…"

Link and Navi walked to see the Great Deku Tree, as Navi told him to. Mido, Link's enemy blocked him. "Hey buddy! No seeing the Deku Tree!" screamed Mido making sure nobody went in the tunnel.

"Hey, Mido! We made that deal…"

"Oh, fine!"

Mido moved out of the way so Link and Navi could walk in. Mido muttered under his breath.

"Hey fartface, I'm back!" told Navi to the Deku Tree.

"Oh… Navi… Thou hast returned…"

"Yes, yes, I've returned! The middle ages is over, so stop talking like that!"

"The time has come to test thy courage… I have been cursed… Dost thou have courage enough to undertake this task?"

Link just stood there, as if he had no idea what was going on. Navi flew up to Link's ear, and she whispered. "Just say yes!"

Link looked at the Deku Tree and said, "Oh yeah, sure, whatever you say dude."

"Then enter brave…"

The Deku Tree opened his mouth and walked in. Link was wandering around and around and eventually saw these three Deku Scrubs. One was dumb, one was smart, and one was mean.

"Oh, do you want to see Queen Gohma?" asked the dumb one.

"Um… I don't know. Is she hot?" asked Link.

"Um… don't tell her I said this, but she's hideous."

The mean one slapped the dumb one at the back of his head. He yelled to him, "it doesn't mean 'see' as in dating, idiot! It means 'see' as in, you know, just looking! You know what I mean!"

"Yeah sure." said the dumb one. "Okay, so do you want to look at Queen Gohma? You can take a picture and show your friends how hideous she is!"

The mean one slapped himself in the forehead. "Just open the damn door!"

The smart one took out a remote that he made and pressed a button on it. The door slowly opened. As Link and Navi were walking out, they could hear the mean one, saying to the dumb one, "We're gonna have a long, long talk…"

"Well, that's not good, right Navi?"

"Just kill that Queen!"

Gohma suddenly fell from the ceiling, scaring the crap out of Link and Navi.

"Your name is Gohma, right?" asked Link.

The giant arachnid nodded her head while she made a slight grumble.

"Alright! Just stand still while I take a picture of your hideous face!"

Navi slapped Link on his cheek again. "Don't do that you dumbass! You're supposed to kill her!"

Gohma roared so loud that the whole tree rumbled. She started to jump around in anger. Link kept following her with the camera. Link tried several times to take the picture, but none of them turned out good. After a while, Gohma stopped jumping around and settled on the ground. Link got a perfect picture of her whole body, but the flash from the camera went right in her eye, which killed her.

Link and Navi got out of the tree and talked to him.

"Well done, Link… A wicked man of the desert cast this dreadful curse on me… Take this stone with you… The stone that the man wanted so much, he cast this curse on me… Good… bye…"

The Deku Tree slowly lost his rich color and passed away.

"Hey Navi…" said Link.

"Yeah?"

"Do you know what this means?"

"I sure do…"

Navi and Link ran to the Deku Tree with great excitement. They vandalized him with graffiti and everything you could think of.

"Hey, Link! Come here! How do you like this!" Navi wanted Link to see her graffiti, which said, "The Deku Tree Sux" After Link pissed on him, they walked away to Hyrule Castle.


End file.
